samatethecookie: holy crap, I have this hairstyle now (FMA ▶ I turn your head into baseball!)
[personal profile] samatethecookie
Why, yes, I've seen the Ask Amy article. Thank you, good ol' Chicago tribune!

Look, I do recognize that Ask Amy still acknowledged that the person who wrote the letter is, in fact, a victim. I got that part. What upset me in particular was this:

Were you a victim? Yes.

First, you were a victim of your own awful judgment. Getting drunk at a frat house is a hazardous choice for anyone to make because of the risk (some might say a likelihood) that you will engage in unwise or unwanted sexual contact.


I beg to differ: nobody is a victim of their own "awful judgment" when it comes to rape.

Women are raped no matter how they act, how they look or what they do. Sometimes they can't avoid it or stop it, no matter how well-behaved they are. I know a lot of people don't want to hear that, but it's true. This sort of victim blaming is usually why many rape victims don't speak out and seek help or justice. They're taught the wrong things. That if you get raped, then it's assumed that you were asking for it. That it's your fault. That it was your "awful judgment" that caused you to engage in unwanted sexual contact.

This line of thinking is dangerous. I can't think of a lighter term for it.

Date: 2009-12-02 03:04 pm (UTC)
ext_32070: (Default)
From: [identity profile] escalove.livejournal.com
I am sorry, your Ed icon is distracting me from the rage that is in your post. Although methinks Ed would not be amused by Amy's victim-blaming BS

Date: 2009-12-02 05:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] samatethecookie.livejournal.com
No, he certainly would not! Because Ed is a nice guy like that, mmkay.

People have articulated their rage in a reasonable manner in other posts I've seen, but I had to add in my two cents. Victim-blaming annoys me so much.

Date: 2009-12-02 03:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evilwildlex.livejournal.com
That kind of victim blaming sucks hardcore. At least it was established that yes, no means no. And that the girl should be getting herself checked for STDs and such pronto.

Date: 2009-12-02 06:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] samatethecookie.livejournal.com
It does suck. It's not the worst example I've seen, but I always hope victim-blaming would stop at some point in this century. :/ The last thing this girl, or any victim, needs is a lecture, especially a lecture that doesn't even make any sense. And she should get tested, yes.

Date: 2009-12-03 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] evilwildlex.livejournal.com
It's also counter productive to lecture someone after the fact instead of teaching general party safety beforehand to both males and females....one of the biggest ones I've always kept in mind is that if the drink leaves my line of sight, I don't drink it, and I never took drinks from anyone I didn't know pretty well or that I hadn't brought myself. Because there are jerkoffs who will drug people's drinks. Though it's usually done for date rape, it has been done for pranking as well and it can make people seriously ill.

Date: 2009-12-03 05:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 80sfiend.livejournal.com
What bothers me is that makes it seem like if she hadn't been drinking then that wouldn't have happened to her. Maybe it lowers the chances but it does NOT mean that it would prevent it happening. :(

Date: 2009-12-03 05:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] samatethecookie.livejournal.com
I do agree that alcohol can lead you to making stupid decisions. It does lower the chances, but it definitely doesn't prevent rape from happening. I'm a little sick of women having these implications thrown at them, that if they get drunk and get raped, then they were inviting sexual contact somehow. :/

Date: 2009-12-03 05:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] 80sfiend.livejournal.com
Oh and now that I've read the whole thing, I think it's appalling that it's like she was asking for it cause she went in the bedroom with him to mess around and is basically being treated by the Ask Amy woman like she should've expected that to happen. When someone says NO, they expect it will be adhered to. It upsets me that instead of just talking about rape counseling, etc, this Amy person is making this poor girl feel like she is somehow a part of why she got taken advantage of :\. I really don't agree with how she handled this girl's question AT ALL.

Date: 2009-12-03 05:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] samatethecookie.livejournal.com
Not to mention the wording doesn't even try to hide the fact that it's victim blaming. I'm sorry, but "awful judgment" or not, it isn't the victim's fault when they get raped. Bottom line, the rapist is as fault, not her.

Also, I'm a little suspicious of Amy when she says "You don't say whether the guy was also drunk. If so, his judgment was also impaired". Err ... does that even matter? It still happened. Alcohol doesn't make you rape people. If he was "impaired", then is she implying it isn't exactly his fault since he didn't know what he was doing? Really now.
Edited Date: 2009-12-03 05:29 am (UTC)

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